Losing someone you love can be like losing one half of yourself. The pain andemptiness felt during the grieving process can go on for months or years, however no two people will ever respond to the same situation in the same way. Working through grief is a day by day, week by week process. You may have bad days when you think you will never recover from this loss. You may also think that you will never function successfully without this person in your life. The good news is that you will recover and you will be fully functional, if you choose to.
Last month the untimely death of someone I knew and cherished really made my world stumble down. Raheem, my first ever employee whom I treated not just an employee but also as my own brother. Having him in our lives for several years means alot since he is indeed already a part of our family so imagine how I feel when all of a sudden I saw a post on Instagram saying that Raheem died. At first I can’t believe it since I just spoke with him a night before and he is reassuring me that everything is fine. The news of Raheem’s death knocked me down my knees when his mom confirmed it.
Each and every one of us changes in some way after the death of someone we love. Some of us may harden after the experience; some will soften, but those who choose to learn and grow from this tragic time, will go on with their life remembering ‘what was’ and appreciating ‘what is’.
My first question is WHY HIM? I have several sleepless nights because of these thoughts that keep on bothering me. I can’t even get over his loss. On the back of my mind I still hope that this is just a bad dream and I will wake up from it. But sad to say no matter how hard I cried Raheem is gone forever.
Life itself is a journey where one will experience a lot of things such as the feeling of happiness and sorrows, love and caring, achievement, etc. Loss, grieving and death are experienced by everyone at some time during their life. People may suffered the loss of valued relationships through life changes, such as moving from one city to another, separation, divorce, death of parents, spouse or friends. Loss and grief are experiences that affect not only the clients and their families but also the nurses who care for them as well. Loss and Death is a universal, yet individually unique event of human experiences. Coping mechanisms determine people's ability to face and accepts loss and grief is the natural response to loss. Humans can anticipate death. Death can be an overwhelming experience that affects the dying persons and their families, significant others and friends.
This is one of the most important and difficult lessons that I still struggle with, but it's OK to move on and be happy again. When I lost Raheem, I remember feeling guilty about continuing moving forward. In the face of death and grief, your daily routine can feel mundane and pointless. However, your loved ones would want you to be happy and I’m pretty sure Raheem does. Sometimes being alive is the hardest thing to fathom and do, but you've got to keep on going. So, enjoy the blissful moments when they're around, because you have a right to feel happy again.
As time moves forward, I continue to reflect on how my life is changing in so many different ways because of my grief. These are just a few thoughts I have found peace in lately, most of them landing on the reassurance that it's good to welcome emotion into your heart. Feel what you're feeling and find a way to work through it and move on from it. Give yourself grace always and know that somehow, in your own ways, you'll find yourself again.
Author David K. Switzer talks about the need to rediscover one’s own life in his book Dynamics of Grief: Its Source, Pain, and Healing. While the pain of your loss is real and must be felt, there will come a time when you must begin to live your own life again. By working through overcoming the death of a loved one, you will come to a place of accepting the death as a reality. You will find yourself able to move forward and embrace your life without your loved one by your side.
Your process through bereavement and grief are your own. Everyone responds differently to coping with loss. Above all, be kind to yourself and know that you will wake one day and find the pain is less, and life can go on.
Lastly don’t take life for granted, Death can make us reflect on our own lives and confront our own mortality in two ways. First, it can be a much-needed reminder that life is short and we should enjoy it as much as we can. But on the flip side, it can also remind us that bad things can happen and that we should always be aware of our surroundings. No, you shouldn't be paranoid of death lurking around every corner (that's no way to live!), but you should make your safety and happiness (physical, mental, emotional) a priority. Find out what truly makes you happy and run with it. Romans 8:28 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.